Immortal Soul

She walks amongst you all,

a force to be reckoned with.

She knows no pain,

for she has felt it all.

Her soul lit on fire,

burning the paths beneath her feet.

She is feared,

for she is in love with the darkness.

Constantly being reborn,

she carries the wisdom of over a thousand years.

The devil has nothing on her,

 For she is a dead woman walking.

A Thousand Lies

Promises of forever love and care is what you made.

As time went on the more and more your promises became broken.

You hurt the person that cared and loved you the most.

Little by little I became strong, and you became weak.

I started to pull away, and you tried to get closer.

I tried to leave, and once again you showed your true colors.

You told a thousand lies, for the countless of times you broke my heart.

Only this time I didn’t pretend to believe you.

I walked away without a word.

That was far more powerful than the thousand lies you told me.

Don’t Take Less Than What You Deserve

We all have at one point or another took less than what we deserved. I will be the first to admit, there are things in my past that I took that no one should have to take. At the time, I didn’t know any better and thought this person would wake up and change. I was the person that needed to wake up and change. I don’t know what it was that sparked in my head, but it taught me a valuable lesson. I learned that I was worth being treated right, and if someone values you then they will not be treating you like anything less. This goes not only for your significant other, but friends and family too. You should value yourself enough to know what you deserve, how to get it, and how to walk away from those that give you less. If you feel like you are contributing more of an effort into the relationship (significant other, friend, relative etc..) than they are, chances are your gut didn’t steer you wrong. After a while, you will notice a pattern with this person. They call only when they need something from you. When you are going through a difficult time they aren’t there. This person will come up with excuses for their behavior. Be aware of this because this type of behavior might lead them to make you feel like you are the bad one. People that use others for only their benefit can be very manipulative and persuasive. This is why so many people out there stay in bad relationships, friendships etc… This person can and eventually will make you feel like it’s your fault, and that you deserve the bullshit they are handing you. Wake up, and let the sunshine into your life darling because you are worth so much more than that. When you realize that, you will almost immediately feel better. Next step is to kick these people completely out of your life. You don’t need them and don’t owe them an explanation either. Once you do that, the next step is finding out what makes you feel good because chances are this person knocked your self-esteem down quite a few notches.  It can be something as simple as listening to music and dancing in your underwear when no one is there. I really got into fitness a few years ago and kicked it into high gear this past year. That is something I discovered that made me feel really good. I can’t explain it. It is my high in a sense. Now is the time to find your high (without actually getting high). Loving yourself and who you are is also very important. Chances are if you love yourself enough, you will be less likely to keep people like this in your life. you will also be better equipped to handle the aftermath this person (s) may cause. Something that also really helped me is every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I tell myself “you are amazing, you are worth something, and you are going to slay this day.” It might seem silly, but trust me it works. I will be making a whole separate blog post on self-love and encouragement. I want to thank all my readers, and I hope that I help someone out there going through this.

To My Fellow Scorpios

Dear Scorpios,

Does anyone else ever feel like a human lie detector? I feel like this is a true Scorpio thing. I can literally spot someone’s BS a mile away, and sense when they are about to lie to me. The one thing I cannot stand for is lies. I want the truth even if it kills me.  I love it when these bullshitters actually think I believe their lies. I used to confront people who lied to me, but now I use it to my advantage. I let them think they are getting away with it, and throw it right back in their face when they are most vulnerable. Some may say that’s harsh, but it truly does stop them from lying to me again.  What do you guys think?

Sincerely,

A Pissed Off Scorpio

Words My Heart Won’t Let Me Say

I will always have those moments in my life where I wish I would have spoken up. The moments where I wish I would have said what was so heavy on my heart. Those are the words my heart would not allow me to say. The things I buried deep, and the burden I carry with me every day. I believe we all have had moments in our life where we longed to say something, but the words were just easier to swallow than say. You come to the point where you have to decide do you let it eat you alive, or do you set it free and move past it. For the longest time, I let it eat me alive. It overtook me until I let it become me. I had become even more closed off from people. I stopped allowing people in until people no longer knew who I was anymore. I put on such a brave face every day that no one can ever tell how much pain I’m in or how great of a burden I’m carrying. I have and still to this day take care of everybody. I’m everyone’s shoulder to lean on. To the best of my ability, I always treat people the way I want to be treated. I’m there for everyone the way they should be there for me. Keyword should. Maybe one day they will wake up and do the same for me. That day has yet to come. Unfortunately, I have become accustomed to this. I never ask for anything from anyone. I am strong because I have been put through things where that was my only option. I am strong even when I don’t have to be. I am the type that would rather lose a limb than to ever let someone see me in my moment of weakness. Over the years I have learned that just because I’m strong doesn’t mean I don’t need someone to be there for me from time to time. I just keep hoping one day someone will tell me that I don’t have to be so strong because they will be there to take care of me even when I fall. Not only say that but actually follow through on those words. Maybe one day that person will hear the words my heart would never let me say and all the burdens that lay heavy on my chest will go away.

Deja Vu

It was my senior year of high school, everything is going amazing for me. I was a straight A student with an excellent GPA, and all my teachers loved me. I was the girl who had everything figured out, and already planned out what I wanted and what age I was going to get it. I had my whole life planned out. That year I was offered a full ride to Georgetown University. I was completely in shock; I had applied, but I didn’t think I was going to get a full ride. I remember going home that day so excited to tell my family. My family was always very proud of me, especially my father. My family had known for a long time all I wanted to do was get out of the small town I currently live in, and go to a much bigger city. Somewhere I could have an adventure, and write about all the amazing things I did. I live for travel and adventures.So, when I told my family that I would be moving they were not the least bit surprised. Everyone was happy for me, but sad at the same time that I would be leaving. I didn’t accept the offer right away even though I wanted to. I wanted to scream hell yes at the top of my lungs, and pack my bags right away. There was one thing holding me back from doing so. That one thing made me turn down the offer. I was secretly devastated by this. No one knew that at the time though. I look back from time to time and wonder what would have happened if I had accepted the offer. I wonder how my life would have turned out. I wonder if I would have been much happier. Most importantly I wonder if I made the right decision. Here I am two years later, faced with the same decision and I am completely at a loss of what I should do. Within the past year, my life here has completely changed. I rediscovered who I was, and what I wanted out of my life. I want a life filled with happiness, risks, wisdom, and adventure. I keep contemplating it in my mind if I can get all that and reside where I am today. A part of me wants to leave and go after this amazing life that I always dreamed of, but another part me is not ready to leave behind what I started here. Especially if what I started here is something that is meant to be. Decisions, decisions.

Stigma Sorrounding Mental Disorders

Today my abnormal psychology class had an interesting discussion on what is considered to be normal in today’s society. As a future psychologist, I absolutely hate the word abnormal. Who is to say what is normal and what isn’t. However, I do believe there are people who have mental disorders/ disabilities that impair and/ or complicates the individual’s quality of life. The discussion ultimately boiled down to the stigma against people who suffer from a mental disorder. This is a topic that really gets my blood boiling, and me being the blunt person I am I opened my big mouth in class today. It was incredible for me to see firsthand what people think about people who suffer from a mental disorder(s). I was shocked. People had such distorted and exaggerated images of what a person who suffers from a mental disorder acts like and even looks like. We use labels such as crazy, schizo, looney, abnormal, bipolar, OCD and so on. I hate labeling anyone and using words like that to define someone. A mental disorder should not define anyone. Instead of saying that person is bipolar or schizophrenic, we should be saying that person suffers from bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Labeling people who suffer from these types of disorders has just added to the stigma. I have so much respect and love for the people who have a mental disorder. My passion and the thing that drives me the most about becoming a psychologist is that one day I am going to wake up every day of my life and improve the quality of life of an individual that society has basically shunned. Everyone no matter what they are suffering from should never feel any less of a human being because they suffer from a mental illness. I have made it my mission in life to actually help these individuals, and bring more awareness to mental illness. In doing so I hope to decrease the stigma around it. I decided to start a chapter at my school that is going to bring awareness to mental illness and what it actually is like to suffer from mental illness. I am beyond excited and will keep you guys posted on the progress and things I am doing with the chapter.

How Veganism Changed My Life

I have officially been vegan for seven months now, and it has been the best decision I have made thus far in my life. I have not looked back since. Let me rewind a little bit and share why I became vegan. Growing up I have always had issues with my health. In and out of doctor’s offices, and emergency rooms. It seemed like a never ending cycle. I would resolve one issue only to find out something else is wrong with me. I am not big on taking medication, and embrace the idea that our bodies can naturally heal itself. I started researching home remedies, and how to keep your body healthy a more natural way. I came upon a video on YouTube that introduced the idea of veganism to me. After that, I watched several other videos and read many articles on being vegan. I decided this was something that I wanted to try out for myself. The question people ask me the most is if it was hard transitioning to becoming vegan. I reply no with a smirk on my face. I transitioned hard and fast into the vegan lifestyle. I went cold turkey so to speak on anything that had any form of animal product in it. I still can’t believe how incredibly easy it was for me because I had read other people’s experiences on transitioning into veganism and how difficult it was for them. I think the biggest factor in my transitioning so easily was the fact I never liked to eat meat in the first place. It made me sick to my stomach to think I was going to eat something that had to suffer in order to get on my plate.  Growing up I would always look for alternatives like fruits and veggies. The fact that I am also lactose intolerant helped too because for those that don’t know vegans don’t consume any form of dairy. I made this change in my life after moving out of my parent’s home because I had the freedom and the resources to choose how I was going to live my life. I’m happy to say that I have never been healthier. Seven months and not one doctor visit or emergency room incident. For me, that has been a great blessing in my life as well as a burden that has been lifted off my shoulders. I do plan to make more posts about veganism, and delicious recipes I discovered along the way.

Happy New Year/ Huge Life Update

It has been a while since I last posted, and so much has happened since then. I haven’t had time to post anything because school and my work life has got in the way of my writing. I am currently in the last half of my second year of college. It has been a year of changes. All have been positive changes. Starting with work, I got a job that is helping me work towards my career as being a psychotherapist. I have finally affirmed that becoming a psychotherapist is my calling in life. My advice to anyone struggling to find their calling is to really think about yourself only when making this decision. It is a huge decision in your life and one that is only going to affect you for the most part ( if you have kids and/or spouse then this will affect them too). I came to the conclusion that I can no longer live my life how others are wanting and telling me to live it. So I decided to be selfish, and block everyone’s opinion (my family mostly) and I followed my gut. I am staying on the path to becoming a psychotherapist regardless of what others have told me. Another huge life update is that I am in a relationship again, and I have never been happier in my entire life. I am going to make a separate post about this later. I want to wish everyone a happy new year, and may it bring everyone lots of love and happiness.

Starting YouTube

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I know it has been a while since I posted, but I have been working on a few projects. I have been thinking about starting a YouTube channel. I don’t necessarily want to vlog; I was thinking more of advice and story time videos. I need some advice from you guys, what do you think? Any advice from those of you who have a YouTube channel?