Deja Vu

It was my senior year of high school, everything is going amazing for me. I was a straight A student with an excellent GPA, and all my teachers loved me. I was the girl who had everything figured out, and already planned out what I wanted and what age I was going to get it. I had my whole life planned out. That year I was offered a full ride to Georgetown University. I was completely in shock; I had applied, but I didn’t think I was going to get a full ride. I remember going home that day so excited to tell my family. My family was always very proud of me, especially my father. My family had known for a long time all I wanted to do was get out of the small town I currently live in, and go to a much bigger city. Somewhere I could have an adventure, and write about all the amazing things I did. I live for travel and adventures.So, when I told my family that I would be moving they were not the least bit surprised. Everyone was happy for me, but sad at the same time that I would be leaving. I didn’t accept the offer right away even though I wanted to. I wanted to scream hell yes at the top of my lungs, and pack my bags right away. There was one thing holding me back from doing so. That one thing made me turn down the offer. I was secretly devastated by this. No one knew that at the time though. I look back from time to time and wonder what would have happened if I had accepted the offer. I wonder how my life would have turned out. I wonder if I would have been much happier. Most importantly I wonder if I made the right decision. Here I am two years later, faced with the same decision and I am completely at a loss of what I should do. Within the past year, my life here has completely changed. I rediscovered who I was, and what I wanted out of my life. I want a life filled with happiness, risks, wisdom, and adventure. I keep contemplating it in my mind if I can get all that and reside where I am today. A part of me wants to leave and go after this amazing life that I always dreamed of, but another part me is not ready to leave behind what I started here. Especially if what I started here is something that is meant to be. Decisions, decisions.

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