Words My Heart Won’t Let Me Say

I will always have those moments in my life where I wish I would have spoken up. The moments where I wish I would have said what was so heavy on my heart. Those are the words my heart would not allow me to say. The things I buried deep, and the burden I carry with me every day. I believe we all have had moments in our life where we longed to say something, but the words were just easier to swallow than say. You come to the point where you have to decide do you let it eat you alive, or do you set it free and move past it. For the longest time, I let it eat me alive. It overtook me until I let it become me. I had become even more closed off from people. I stopped allowing people in until people no longer knew who I was anymore. I put on such a brave face every day that no one can ever tell how much pain I’m in or how great of a burden I’m carrying. I have and still to this day take care of everybody. I’m everyone’s shoulder to lean on. To the best of my ability, I always treat people the way I want to be treated. I’m there for everyone the way they should be there for me. Keyword should. Maybe one day they will wake up and do the same for me. That day has yet to come. Unfortunately, I have become accustomed to this. I never ask for anything from anyone. I am strong because I have been put through things where that was my only option. I am strong even when I don’t have to be. I am the type that would rather lose a limb than to ever let someone see me in my moment of weakness. Over the years I have learned that just because I’m strong doesn’t mean I don’t need someone to be there for me from time to time. I just keep hoping one day someone will tell me that I don’t have to be so strong because they will be there to take care of me even when I fall. Not only say that but actually follow through on those words. Maybe one day that person will hear the words my heart would never let me say and all the burdens that lay heavy on my chest will go away.

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