Out of sight out of mind, am I right? If I don’t talk about it or think about will it go away on its own, or will the burden just weigh heavier on me? These questions go through my head on a daily basis. The feeling of waking up completely drenched in sadness, and wishing you hadn’t woken up in the first place. Not being able to physically get out of bed because the emotions have completely drained you. At times you know why you’re depressed, and there are times where you don’t have a clue. I am one of those people that bury my feelings, and will almost never share how I truly feel because I feel too much. When I do share, it’s only what I think that person can actually handle. My feelings are so complex that it’s hard for me to express to another person. If any of the above describes you, well then you know how especially difficult it is when those emotions flood through the walls you built up. It’s like knowing you’re going to get sucker punched, but just not when. It’s super difficult to deal with the aftermath of it all, and on top of that embarrassing because you don’t know when it will hit you. This has happened to me on several occasions. Crying for me is a way I let out all these emotions; despite the fact, I hate crying and avoid it at all costs. One of the most embarrassing times it has happened to me was at the gym. I was running on the treadmill and doing some deep thinking (not a very good idea for the record), and bam it hit me. The universe literally said screw you Sulvana, and the gates of Hell opened on me. I ran to the locker room immediately. I must have been in there for a good half hour crying till I became numb to it all, and could no longer feel. I can without a doubt say that this was a turning point for me. I realized then what I wish I would have a long time ago. We cannot hide our emotions, nor should we even try. The best way to handle something is right away. Don’t let these unpleasant feelings build up inside of you. It isn’t healthy, and for someone who has been battling depression, this can only make matters worse. Since then, I have become much better at opening up and allowing myself to feel that. I don’t want to sound like I have made a complete change in my life because I still struggle with opening up. I don’t fear facing reality. I just don’t want to feel that pain period. My biggest fear is feeling pain emotionally and psychologically. That is why I don’t have or keep very many people in my life. If that person has done something that hurt me whether it was intentional or not, I drop them from my life like they never existed. Sounds harsh right? People that have depression and battled with depression for a long time know this all too well. Over time, you learn that it’s not worth it to keep people in your life who feed the depression. I wanted to share this because there are so many people out there who have depression that you would think there is nothing wrong with them. I think a lot of people are going to be shocked after reading this because I hear the comment often that it seems like I have everything figured out and things just seem to be going really well for me. Truth is I been battling depression since the 4th grade, and I’m no longer ashamed and/ or afraid to say it.
Today my abnormal psychology class had an interesting discussion on what is considered to be normal in today’s society. As a future psychologist, I absolutely hate the word abnormal. Who is to say what is normal and what isn’t. However, I do believe there are people who have mental disorders/ disabilities that impair and/ or complicates the individual’s quality of life. The discussion ultimately boiled down to the stigma against people who suffer from a mental disorder. This is a topic that really gets my blood boiling, and me being the blunt person I am I opened my big mouth in class today. It was incredible for me to see firsthand what people think about people who suffer from a mental disorder(s). I was shocked. People had such distorted and exaggerated images of what a person who suffers from a mental disorder acts like and even looks like. We use labels such as crazy, schizo, looney, abnormal, bipolar, OCD and so on. I hate labeling anyone and using words like that to define someone. A mental disorder should not define anyone. Instead of saying that person is bipolar or schizophrenic, we should be saying that person suffers from bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Labeling people who suffer from these types of disorders has just added to the stigma. I have so much respect and love for the people who have a mental disorder. My passion and the thing that drives me the most about becoming a psychologist is that one day I am going to wake up every day of my life and improve the quality of life of an individual that society has basically shunned. Everyone no matter what they are suffering from should never feel any less of a human being because they suffer from a mental illness. I have made it my mission in life to actually help these individuals, and bring more awareness to mental illness. In doing so I hope to decrease the stigma around it. I decided to start a chapter at my school that is going to bring awareness to mental illness and what it actually is like to suffer from mental illness. I am beyond excited and will keep you guys posted on the progress and things I am doing with the chapter.
I have officially been vegan for seven months now, and it has been the best decision I have made thus far in my life. I have not looked back since. Let me rewind a little bit and share why I became vegan. Growing up I have always had issues with my health. In and out of doctor’s offices, and emergency rooms. It seemed like a never ending cycle. I would resolve one issue only to find out something else is wrong with me. I am not big on taking medication, and embrace the idea that our bodies can naturally heal itself. I started researching home remedies, and how to keep your body healthy a more natural way. I came upon a video on YouTube that introduced the idea of veganism to me. After that, I watched several other videos and read many articles on being vegan. I decided this was something that I wanted to try out for myself. The question people ask me the most is if it was hard transitioning to becoming vegan. I reply no with a smirk on my face. I transitioned hard and fast into the vegan lifestyle. I went cold turkey so to speak on anything that had any form of animal product in it. I still can’t believe how incredibly easy it was for me because I had read other people’s experiences on transitioning into veganism and how difficult it was for them. I think the biggest factor in my transitioning so easily was the fact I never liked to eat meat in the first place. It made me sick to my stomach to think I was going to eat something that had to suffer in order to get on my plate. Growing up I would always look for alternatives like fruits and veggies. The fact that I am also lactose intolerant helped too because for those that don’t know vegans don’t consume any form of dairy. I made this change in my life after moving out of my parent’s home because I had the freedom and the resources to choose how I was going to live my life. I’m happy to say that I have never been healthier. Seven months and not one doctor visit or emergency room incident. For me, that has been a great blessing in my life as well as a burden that has been lifted off my shoulders. I do plan to make more posts about veganism, and delicious recipes I discovered along the way.
It has been two years officially since I started my weight loss journey. This journey went from focusing on the numbers dropping on the scale to me feeling good and healthy. In the beginning, I was more focused on the losing the weight and seeing the numbers drop on the scale. As time went on, I didn’t become satisfied with the way I was so idolized around the scale. Getting happy or discouraged if I lost or gained a pound. Weight loss and feeling good about yourself really begins with your mentality. Sometimes a person is just not as confident as they thought they were going to be after losing a certain amount of weight. Losing weight is just one component that contributes to feeling good and being healthy. When I realized that, everything changed. I wanted to be satisfied with my inner self as well as my outer self. I looked in the mirror and I told myself you make yourself who you are. No one has control of who you are and no one has the power to label you what you are for the rest of your life. I stopped getting on the scale, and I focused more on bring myself up rather than down. Anytime you want to make a change in your life, you have to do it for yourself. If you are making a change in your life for someone else such as losing weight, you will ultimately fail. You have to want this change for you. Chances are if you are doing it for the right reasons, you will have a much stronger drive to accomplish what you started. Overall surround yourself with positive people and positive thoughts. Don’t let anyone feed negative thoughts into your mind that can discourage you from your goal.